Sunday 27 January 2013

Conversationally Cursed

I know I promised not to use this blog to rant, but really, what else are blogs used for? I will hereby change the promise I made to "I promise not to use this blog to rant about petty problems." I will however blog about stuff I think is worth ranting about. Stuff that has a point and meaning.

I try my best to social network., and sometimes, most of the time, people can't hold conversations or just don't care to talk and be friends. This seems petty doesn't it? Wrong. I don't social network because I want people to like me. I social network to work on social skills that elude me, or are difficult for me. I am autistic (well, since Aspergers' Syndrome is finally recognized as its own disorder, it technically isn't counted in the autistic spectrum, but it is just easier to say autism). I won't go into detail about it as I will type on forever about it. Instead, you can read this handy-dandy wikipedia article about it. (I haven't gone through the whole thing so it may be a little dated, we all know the internet, right?)

So, while not replying to a message or replying with one word replies doesn't seem like a big deal to you, it is to me. It is actually extremely frustrating. I do not think most people realize how much energy, thought, and trial I put into something even as simple as "Hello, how are you?" It takes a lot of courage and effort on my part to do so. Reaching out to people is not something  generally enjoy doing. Part of me does it because I need to. I need to for CKKC, for my hobbies and interests, for friends and most of all, for myself. I do in fact wish I could just curl up and hide in my room with my pets and live life without worry. Unfortunately we all know that is not how it works. I instead choose to wish for people to realize what a gift conversation is. It is also frustrating when people who I actually wish to talk to do not reply. I understand I do not completely have the choice to communicate and make friends those the people I want to, and I am glad for that. Some of the most interesting people I know, I did not intend to commune with them, but it happened. Most of you take communication for granted. I do not merely mean idle chat. I include in this connotation, pitch, eye contact, mannerisms and body language.

Part of the reason I guess I wrote this post is for people to gain an understanding that it is hard for me, and I put a lot into social networking and communicating. The other part of the reason is hope that people will realize and not shrug conversation away as nothing. It is something. It is how things can start, end, evolve and mature.